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楼主:华优惠 时间:2019年10月15日 03:06:54 点击:0 回复:0
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Never before in my career has my daughter begged me to obtain the autograph of anyone I have interviewed. Prime ministers, generals, business chiefs? They’ve all been greeted with blank stares. But when she heard I was meeting Zoella, my 13-year-old was immediately thrown into a veritable froth of excitement. “You mustn’t forget, dad,” she texted me firmly as I headed off to Brighton for my lunch with the 24-year-old fashion and beauty blogger.在我的职业生涯里,我女儿从来没有要求我向任何采访过的人索取签名。不管他们是总理、将军还是商界领袖,全都受到了一视同仁的无视。但当我这个13岁的小孩听到我将和佐拉(Zoella)会面时,她立刻陷入了一种欣喜若狂的状态。“爸爸,你可千万别忘记!”在我将去与这位24岁的时尚和美容主共进午餐时,女儿坚决地发了这样的短信给我。Before leaving she’d given me the full benefit of her wisdom on the subject of my lunch companion. There were tips on how to handle the interview; even suggestions for questions that I might like to ask – albeit of the favourite music and food variety.在出发之前,她跟我讲了她所知道的一切关于我午餐伙伴的信息。她告诉我采访的技巧,甚至对我可能问的问题提了建议————除了喜欢的音乐和食物。Which is why, when I arrive at Modelo Lounge, a slightly desolate café near the seafront in nearby Hove, I am feeling pretty well briefed. Not only do I know quite a lot about Zoella herself – online big sister, agony aunt, ultimate style guru and key to the hearts and minds of millions of avid, not yet cynical, young shoppers, I am also tolerably well informed about Alfie Deyes, PewDiePie, Tanya Burr and the rest of the YouTube vlogging ( blogging) “Brit crew”.正因如此,当我到达莫德罗会所(Modelo Lounge),一家有点荒凉的海边咖啡馆时,我觉得我已经做好了准备工作。我知道很多关于佐拉自身的事--她是一位在线大、心理咨询阿姨、终极时尚专家以及吸引了数百万狂热、尚未变成愤青的年轻消费者的关键人物。不仅如此,我也对阿尔菲#8226;德耶斯(Alfie Deyes)、PewDiePie、塔尼娅#8226;伯尔(Tanya Burr)和YouTube影客(视频客)的“英国帮”(Brit crew)有着相当程度的了解。If you don’t have children of a certain age, these names may mean nothing to you. But they are small-screen catnip to teenagers, in much the same way that B television stars such as John Noakes and Tom Baker were in my 1970s childhood.如果你没有在某年龄段的小孩子,这些名字对你来说可能毫无意义。但他们是青少年的小屏幕兴奋剂,就像英国广播公司(B)电视明星约翰#8226;诺克斯(John Noakes)和汤姆#8226;贝克(Tom Baker)在1970年代对童年时代的我来说一样伟大。True, the content is rather different to the fare served up on Blue Peter or Doctor Who: the production values are languid; the subject matter focused principally on games, pranks and that all encompassing teen obsession: stuff. But these s draw vast audiences. Millions of children and young adults devour them every day.没错,这些视频的内容与“蓝色彼得”(Blue Peter)或“神秘士”(Doctor Who)完全不同:作品谈不上有什么价值;主要题材是针对电玩、恶作剧和那些令所有青少年着迷的东西。但正是这些视频吸引了广大的观众。成千上万的儿童和年轻人每天聚精会神地观看它们。Of this group, perhaps the biggest star to emerge is Zoella herself. The mainstay of her channel features her sitting on her bed dispensing beauty advice, doing her hair or delivering one of her so-called shopping “hauls” – in which she and her friends show off products they have just bought.从这个群体中脱颖而出最红的明星也许就是佐拉她自己。她的视频主要是坐在床上给出美容建议、做头发或者播放一个她的购物“战利品”--她和她的朋友们炫耀她们刚买到的产品。There’s also a regular slot called “ChummyChatter”, which involves Zoella and her “bestie” Louise exchanging tips about key issues such as friendship, body image, boys, and whether to go to university. You can get a flavour of the robust, parent-friendly common sense that’s on offer from some recent titles. These include “Why are you so skinny?” and “Boundaries and saying no”.还有一个固定的播放时段称为“亲密交谈”(ChummyChatter),包含了佐拉和她的“闺蜜”路易丝交换关于友谊、身材形象、男孩和是否该上大学等关键问题方面的建议。你可以从一些最近播出的标题看到会受到父母们持的常识。这些问题包括:“你为何这么瘦?”或者“边界与说‘不’”。It’s hard to explain to the uninitiated the hold she has on the minds of those aged between 13 and 20. But her appeal is undeniable. Since launching her YouTube career in 2009, Zoella has managed to draw 5.3m subscribers to her channel – 2.3m since January alone – through a weird osmotic form of public acclamation.很难对行外人讲清楚她对那些年龄从13岁到20岁年轻群体的吸引力。但她的魅力是不可否认的。自从她在2009年推出她的YouTube视频后,佐拉的视频已经成功吸引了530万的订阅者--仅仅在1月就有230万订户--透过一种全民拥护的神奇渗透力。Awards have duly followed. Last year, she was crowned Best British Vlogger at the B Radio 1’s Teen Awards and this year she has aly picked up the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award. An offline career is now beckoning. She recently signed a book deal with Penguin and her first novel, Girl Online, comes out in November.奖赏也如期而至的到来。去年,她荣登B1当代流行音乐电台青少年奖(B Radio 1’s Teen Awards)的英国最佳影客(Best British Vlogger)宝座;而她在今年已经获得Nickelodeon的儿童选择奖(Kids’ Choice Award)。线下的职业生涯也正向她招手。她最近与企鹅(Penguin)出版社签约了;她的第一部小说,《网上女孩》(Girl Online),也将在11月出版。Zoella – or Zoe Elizabeth Sugg as she is IRL (in real life) – is the first to admit that hers has been an unexpected rise to fame. “It’s weird because none of us ever intended that this would turn into our jobs,” she says. “When we started exploring these exciting new things, none of us knew where it would lead.”佐拉在现实生活中名叫佐伊#8226;伊丽莎白#8226;萨格(Zoe Elizabeth Sugg)。她是第一个承认她的成名之路是个意外的人。“很神奇,因为我们从没预料到这将会变成我们的工作,”她说,“当我们刚开始探索这些令人兴奋的新事物时,没有人知道这会成为什么样子。”. . .......A slight, delicate figure with doll-like photogenic features and dip-dyed hair that has been pulled back into a ponytail, Zoella arrives with her manager, Maddie, who is there for reassurance but agrees to be banished to a distant table, where she taps at her laptop.佐拉的外形纤细精致、容貌如洋娃娃般,染色的头发绑成了一个马尾辫。为了让佐拉安心,她的经理玛迪跟着一起来。但玛迪同意躲到一个远处的桌子玩她的笔记本电脑。Our original idea had been to have lunch outside but bad weather has forced a change of plan. Modelo Lounge, selected (slightly ominously) by Zoella for its quietness, is almost deserted. A few business types look up from their burgers or steak and chips and I wonder what they make of this rumpled middle-aged man greeting a petite twentysomething, elegantly dressed in a grey shirt dress set off by a tartan scarf. Do they think I’m her godfather? Or someone interviewing an au pair?我们原来打算在外面吃午饭,但坏天气迫使我们改变计划。佐拉选择了安静的莫德罗会所(有着一股不祥的气氛),里面几乎空无一人。几位貌似商务人士的客人从他们的汉堡或牛排和薯片中抬起头来看。我想知道他们是怎么看待一个外观凌乱的中年男子会见一个穿着优雅灰色衬衫裙、配着一条花格围巾、身材娇小的二十多岁女子这件事。他们认为我是她的教父吗? 或我在面试一位住家阿姨?Zoella has lived in Brighton since last year. She rents a “fabulous” penthouse apartment on the seafront where she lives in Ikea-furnished splendour with two guinea pigs – Percy and Pippin – who feature frequently in her s. A recent one was all about them having a bath.佐拉从去年开始就一直住在布赖顿市。她租了一个“绝佳的”面海阁楼公寓,在宜家家具“豪华”的布置下与两位天竺鼠同居。珀西和皮平经常在她的视频里担任重要角色,最近一次演出全是他们的入浴镜头。She moved here mainly because it’s where her boyfriend lives. Alfie Deyes also has a successful vlog, called Pointless, in which he and his pals do dares and silly impressions. In fact, Brighton turns out to be YouTube city. It’s also home to PewDiePie – a Swedish hipster whose films of himself and friends playing games draw vast audiences – and diary maestro Marcus Butler. “I don’t know what it is about this place,” Zoella says with a giggle. “It’s become like the centre of the universe. Whenever I meet anyone who’s moving, it’s like, ‘Right, I’m coming to Brighton.’”她搬到这里的主要原因是因为她男朋友住在这。阿尔菲#8226;德耶斯也有一个名为“毫无意义”(Pointless)的人气影客。他和他的朋友在上面做冒险行为和鬼脸。事实上,布赖顿是个YouTube城市。这也是PewDiePie--一位拍摄自己和朋友们玩电玩,并吸引了大量观众的瑞典潮人和视频日记大师马库斯#8226;巴特勒(Marcus Butler)的家乡。 “我不知道这个地方有什么魔力,”佐拉咯咯地笑着说,“它像是变成了宇宙的中心;我遇到的每个要搬家的人总说:‘是的,我要到布赖顿。’”She grew up in the pretty village of Lacock in Wiltshire, the daughter of a property developer father and a beautician mother. After leaving the local state school with A levels in art, photography and textiles, she considered going to university but rejected the idea, partly because she wasn’t sure what she wanted to study but mainly because of anxiety. Afflicted by acute shyness as a child, Zoella still suffers from occasional panic attacks. “I didn’t want to go away from my family, from any comfort that I had.”她在威尔特郡美丽的拉考克(Lacock)小镇长大。父亲是房地产开发商,母亲是美容师。当她在艺术、摄影和纺织方面以A级成绩毕业于当地公立学校后,她曾考虑过上大学。但她后来拒绝了这个想法,部分是因为她不确定她想学什么,但主要是因为焦虑感。佐拉从小为极度害羞所困扰,至今仍偶尔会受到恐慌症的折磨。“我不想离开我的家人,离开我任何的慰藉。”Instead, she took a job as an apprentice in an interior design company near home and started a blog. Conceived as a hobby, it was never her intention to do much more than record a few whimsical observations about her life.相反地,她在离家不远的室内设计公司找到了一份学徒的工作,并开始了她的客。将写客作为一个爱好,她只是想记录她对自己生活中一些异想天开的观察而已。“I never had any structure, I never thought this is where I want it to go. It was literally like my little space on the internet, where I just used to write about the things I loved, or things that I thought other people would love as well.”佐拉说:”我从来没有任何组织,从来没想过它会走到哪一步。实际上它就像是我在互联网上的小空间,只是让我用来写我喜欢、或我想其他人也会喜欢的东西。“The formula certainly worked – not least the inspired focus on shopping. Having enjoyed other blogs where writers described their clothing and make-up purchases, Zoella decided to try something similar. “It started off with me going to car-boot sales with my mum and finding all these little make-up bits for 50p and then writing about them.”这种配方无疑地奏效了--灵感丰富的她尤其关注购物。读了其他客描述他们购买装和化妆的分享,佐拉决定尝试类似的事物。“我开始写跟我妈妈去旧杂货店的事,那里能找到价格低于50便士的小化妆品。”Pretty soon she had moved upmarket, filleting the racks at Top Shop, Superdrug and Primark and reviewing the best of what she saw.她很快地移向高档市场,她在Top Shop、Superdrug和Primark里看到的好东西。There is a brief pause while we order lunch from the bar. Zoella has made no secret of her partiality for junk food so I brace myself for the worst as I scan the . But Modelo Lounge, whose proudest boast seems to be that its cuisine is gluten-free, turns out to be inoffensive rather than toxic. Zoella orders a panino filled with halloumi and muhammara dip and a sherbet lemonade. I have the chicken and a beer.我们中间停顿了一下,从吧台点了午餐。佐拉毫不掩饰她对垃圾食品的偏爱,所以我在浏览菜单时做了最坏的打算。但莫德罗会所最引以为傲的无麸质美食原来是无害的。佐拉点了一个夹满哈罗米芝士与辣椒沾酱的三明治和冰镇柠檬水,而我则点了鸡肉和啤酒。As I munch through my chicken and Zoella picks listlessly at an admittedly uninspiring looking panino, we return to the story. Her pleasant appearance, quirky manner and shrewd appreciation of teen tastes quickly drew ers, and it wasn’t long before her growing band of followers was urging her to make s. She plucked up the courage – largely because she knew there would be an audience. “Because I aly had people ing my blog that went straight away over to the , I thought at least someone would be watching.”当我正大口咀嚼我的鸡肉和佐拉正无精打采地啃着一个显然不怎么样的三明治时,我们回到了故事内容。她愉快的样子、奇特的举止和对青少年偏好敏锐的鉴赏力很快地吸引了读者。没过多久,她日渐增加的关注者开始鼓励她拍摄视频。她鼓起了勇气,主要是她知道会有观众。“因为已经有阅读我客的人会直接转到视频,我想至少有人会看。”By then, thanks to the post-crisis meltdown, she had been made redundant from her interior design job but her nascent vlogging career was nearly derailed by her anxious parents. “My dad was really confused by it. He kept telling me to get out of my bedroom and go and get a proper job.”那时,多亏了经济危机后的不景气,她的室内设计职务被解雇了。但她初生的影客生涯几乎被她焦急的父母耽误了。“我爸爸真的很困惑。他总是叫我走出我的卧室去找一个正式的工作。”I say I would have had been with him on this. But, in fact, sitting in her bedroom with a laptop turned out to be just about the best place for Zoella to be. She may not have been the first teenager to try her hand at vlogging, but she was starting at a fortuitous moment: just as YouTube, bought by Google in 2006, was transmogrifying from an online venue for amusing s of cats falling off skateboards into something more like a TV network.我承认我在这一点是赞同她爸爸的。但事实上,拿着笔记本电脑坐在她的卧室里对佐拉来说才是最好的方式。或许她不是第一个尝试影客的青少年,但她在一个幸运的时刻开始:正当谷歌(Google)在2006年收购YouTube,把猫从滑板上摔下来的有趣视频从线上平台完全改造成更像是一个电视网。Google wanted to encourage “creators” to produce more professional and appealing content. This would allow the US internet giant to grab a chunk of the estimated 0bn spent each year on TV advertising.谷歌想鼓励“创造者”生产更专业和更有吸引力的内容。这将使美国互联网巨头能从每年花在电视广告上约2500亿美元的市场分到一杯羹。Google’s take would come through a 45 per cent revenue share with creators on advertising in return for hosting and publishing their s. Though Google does not reveal specific ad revenues, investment banking analysts think it brought in about bn in ad sales last year.谷歌托管和发布创造者们的视频,并共享他们45%广告的收入。尽管谷歌没有具体的透露,投行分析师认为广告销售去年为公司带来了约50亿美元的收入。The key thing was to encourage content that would appeal to hard-to-reach consumers – such as those in their teens and early twenties who are less wedded to conventional TV. (Zoella herself barely watches TV: “My generation, at least the ones I know, are like 70-30 YouTube”) Thus was the stage set for the current group of YouTubers to emerge.关键是要鼓励通过内容去吸引远不可及的消费者,比如那些正值青春时期和二十岁出头、不固守传统电视的群体。(佐拉本身几乎不怎么看电视。她说:“在我这一代,至少我知道的人,看YouTube和电视的比例是70:30。”)如同所述,当前的YouTube用户潮正准备大举登场了。Zoella’s focus on the 13-20 market put her right in the sweet spot of this revolution, although she surprises me by telling me that the age range of her viewers is much wider. “Nine per cent of my viewers are men, of which the majority is, I think, 45 to 50.” Noticing my eyebrows are rising fast, she adds: “I like to tell myself it’s just my dad watching.”佐拉将她的重点放在13岁到20岁的市场,也是这场变革的最佳目标群体。尽管她告诉我她的观众年龄层其实更加广泛,让我大吃一惊。“我的观众百分之九是男性,其中我认为大多数是45岁到50岁。”注意到了我的眉毛快速上升,她补充道,“我总告诉自己这只像是我爸在看。”. . .......Zoella and the rest of the “Brit crew” may be relative novices at stardom, but they have a keen sense of the value of their franchise. It is only a few years since she cashed her first cheque – for #163;60 – from Google. But Zoella is now a member of YouTube’s “Style Haul” network, which promotes fashion and beauty content for “millennial women” (roughly those aged between 13 and 30) and connects its content creators with “big brands and lucrative deals”.佐拉和其他“英国帮”的成员可能相对是明星新秀,但是他们对自己特许经销权的价值有着高度敏锐性。离她第一次兑现从谷歌收到的60英镑票以来,只有短短几年。但现在佐拉是YouTube“时尚行动”(Style Haul)广播网的一员。该节目针对“千禧年的女性”(约13岁至30岁之间)推广时尚与美容相关的话题,并为其视频创造者与“名牌和利润丰厚的交易”牵线。She has also taken on a “social talent” agency to manage her increasingly complex affairs, in the form of Gleam Futures, an organisation that seems to represent almost everyone on the UK YouTubing scene. “It’s just, like, ‘You sort it,’” she says, adding: “If I didn’t have them helping me, I’d sort of combust.”她也在“社会人才”机构管理她日益复杂的事务。Gleam Futures这个组织似乎代表了英国所有的YouTube画面。“就像是帮忙整理,” 她接着补充道,“如果没有他们的帮助,我会筋疲力尽。”The leading vloggers are a close-knit bunch, often appearing on each other’s channels. This cross-promotion helps to pool audiences. Zoella’s gang includes her boyfriend, her brother Joe (whose blog, now with 2m subscribers, started after hers, she insists) and Marcus Butler. There’s also Louise (aka Sprinkle of Glitter) and Tanya Burr, a make-up artist who beams advice from her Norwich bedroom, and whose diffusion line of cosmetics Zoella has recently recommended on her own vlog. “We all want to help each other so we can bring all our channels up together,” she says. “That’s absolutely what social media is all about: sharing.”主要的影客成员间关系都很紧密,他们常常互相出现在彼此的频道。这种交叉推广有助于集合观众。佐拉的群组包括她的男朋友、她的弟弟乔(他的客现在有2百万的订阅者;她坚持说这是在她开始之后才有的)、马库斯#8226;巴特勒,还有路易丝(Louise,又名Sprinkle of Glitter)和塔尼娅#8226;伯尔,一位在她诺威奇家卧室里给与建议的化妆师,她的化妆产品线最近也在佐拉的视频里受到推荐。“我们都想互相帮助,这样我们就可以集合我们所有的频道,”佐拉说,“这才是社交媒体的真谛:共享。”I tell Zoella she is known to the advertising world as a “crowd-sourced people’s champion” and she laughs. “That’s cool. I hadn’t heard that one before.” But she acknowledges that big brands are lining up to cash in on her popularity. “They know that there’s a way that YouTubers can connect with an audience that they can’t, even though they’ve got all the money in the world.” An example of her reach is that she has a deal with Unilever, marketing their skincare range to younger users.我告诉佐拉她在广告世界被称为“众包领域(crowd-sourced people)的冠军”。她笑着说:“好酷。我还没有听说过这个。”但她也承认,知名品牌正排队等着兑现她的受欢迎程度。“他们知道YouTube用户总是有方法能连接观众,而即使他们已经有了世界上所有的钱也做不到这点。”一个她影响范围广大的例子是和联合利华(Unilever)的签约,推销他们的护肤品给年轻用户们。Advertisers are said to be willing to pay #163;20,000 a month for banners on well-known vloggers’ YouTube channels, while #163;4,000 can change hands for each mention of their product in the itself (it costs roughly the same for a shout-out on Twitter). Zoella doesn’t like to talk about how much she earns. But, based on the rates commanded by the most successful vloggers, her income from advertising alone could now be running at a rate of several hundred thousand pounds a year.广告商声称愿意每月付2万英镑在知名的YouTube频道上挂横幅广告; 而在视频里每次提及他们的产品, 可以赚到4000英镑(成本大致与在推特上大喊相同)。佐拉不喜欢提到她赚了多少钱。但基于最成功影客教主的定价来算,现在她单是来自广告的收入就可以达到每年数十万英镑。This opportunity, of course, brings with it conflicts. And it is these that we contemplate over the debris of lunch. I chide Zoella for not finishing her panino, and she promises to take it home in a doggy bag. (In fact, when we leave, it remains on the table, abandoned.)当然,这个机会也带来了冲突。我们在处理午餐残渣时讨论到了这些。我斥责佐拉没有吃完她的三明治,而她承诺她会打包回家。(事实上当我们离开时,它仍被抛弃在桌上。)The essence of Zoella’s Vulcan-like grip on her adherents is the existence of a trusting, even intimate, relationship between vlogger and vlogee. How, I ask, can she preserve this while taking money from advertisers to recommend their products?佐拉对她的追随者像神一样的掌握在本质上是有着一个影客作家和观众之间信任、甚至亲密的关系。我追问她,当她从广告商那儿拿钱并推荐他们的产品时,如何维持这份关系?Basically, she says, it’s a question of judgment. She aims to pick “partners” whose products she respects and thinks would make good content. “There isn’t any amount of money that could tempt me to promote something that I didn’t believe in,” she avers. “I’ve built this community of people that trust my opinion and I value that far more than a fat cheque.”她说基本上是一个判断的问题。她在挑选“合作伙伴”时会考虑她所尊敬的公司或认为好用的产品。“不管多大笔的钱都不能吸引我去推销我不相信的东西,”她声明,“我建立了这个信任我意见的社群,它对我的价值远远超过一张大额票。”She claims to turn down 90 per cent of deals that she is offered. Some products, such as alcohol, are rejected outright. Her anxiety means she’s never been much of a drinker – “I hate the loss of self-control” and she gave up a few years ago. With cosmetics and clothes, she operates a simple rule of thumb. “If it’s something I wouldn’t wear or don’t like, I won’t consider it,” she says. Those she does accept are disclosed to users in a description box on the site.她声称拒绝了90%的交易邀约。有些产品比如酒类,直接被拒绝了。她的焦虑意味着她从未是个嗜酒的人--“我讨厌失去自制力”, 因此几年前她放弃了喝酒。而对化妆品和衣,她经营着一个简单的经验法则。她说:“如果是个我不会穿或不喜欢的东西,我就不会考虑。”她持的产品都在网址上的描述框里向用户披露。As the lunch winds to a close, we talk about the opportunities Zoella has to build an offline career.随着午餐接近尾声,我们谈论到佐拉创造的线下职业机会。She is excited about her book, which touches on themes that are important to her such as anxiety, online relationships and cyberbullying, saying that talking about her own anxiety has actually helped her. “It’s good for me to do things outside my comfort zone and push myself.” As to other ideas, Zoella is open to suggestions. But she would quite like to have her own diffusion range of homeware.她对她的书感到兴奋。里面涉及到的主题对她来说很重要,例如焦虑、线上人际关系和网络欺凌。谈论她的焦虑实际上对她自己很有帮助。“做在我舒适区之外的事和督促我自己对我有好处。” 佐拉对其它想法和建议保持开放;但是她还挺想拥有自己品牌系列的家庭用品。What is most striking is her happy-go-lucky attitude to her own newfound celebrity. “I never expected any of this to happen so I’m just going to go with it and make the most of it,” she says. “Who knows what will happen in five years’ time.”最引人注目的是她对自己新得到的名声有着随遇而安的态度。;我从来没有想到这任何的一切会发生;所以我只会随它去,并好好把握它,;她说,;谁知道五年的时间里会发生什么事。”We rise to leave and I remember my promise. Would Zoella mind sending a message to one of her younger fans? She agrees to record a greeting on my iPhone (signatures being so yesterday) and I leave in a high humour.当我们起身离开时,我想起了我的承诺。佐拉介意传个讯息给她的一位年轻粉丝吗?她同意在我的苹果手机录下一段问候(签名早就落伍了),然后我就心满意足地离开了。It’s only when I view the recording on the train going home that I discover I had put my thumb over the microphone at the crucial moment of filming. The face smiles and the hands wave characteristically. But not a word of Zoella’s message can be heard.但当我在回家的火车上查看记录时,我发现我在关键的拍摄时刻把拇指盖住了麦克风。微笑的表情、独特的挥手,却听不到佐拉讯息的任何一个词。 /201409/3296185-year-old daughter, wanting her father to help her do something.Father: ;I#39;m so tired, if you praise me, I#39;ll Be fresh.;Daughter: ;Lao Zheng!;Dad: ;Hey!;Daughter: ;Your chick looks really nice ah ......;5岁的女儿让老爸帮她做某事。老爸:“爸爸很累啦,你夸我两句吧,你夸我两句我就又有劲了。”女儿:“老郑!”老爸:“哎!”女儿:“你家妞妞长得可真漂亮啊……”Nearly every parent loses control and screams at the children now and then. But what if you do it repeatedly?几乎每一位父母都有情绪失控和对孩子高声叫嚷的时候。但如果你频频如此呢?Researchers suspect parents are yelling more. Parents have been conditioned to avoid spanking, so they vent their anger and frustration by shouting instead. Three out of four parents yell, scream or shout at their children or teens about once a month, on average, for misbehaving or making them angry, research shows. Increasingly, therapists and parenting experts are homing in on how it hurts a child, as well as how to stop it.研究人员猜测,父母如今吼孩子比以前更频繁了。父母已经习惯于不动手打孩子屁股,因此他们会通过大喊大叫来发泄愤怒和不满。研究显示,四分之三的父母会因家中幼童或青少年 犯错误或惹他们生气而吼叫、尖叫或大喊,平均每月一次。治疗师和家庭教育专家正越来越多地关注这类行为会对孩子产生何种伤害以及如何阻止这类行为。Raising your voice isn#39;t always bad. Loudly describing a problem can call attention to it without hurting anyone, says Adele Faber, a parenting trainer in Roslyn Heights, N.Y., and co-author of #39;How to Be the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.#39; For example: #39;I just mopped the kitchen floor and now it is covered with muddy footprints.#39;提高嗓门并不总是坏事。纽约州罗斯林海茨(Roslyn Heights)的育儿培训师、《怎样成为理想中的父母》(How to Be the Parent You Always Wanted to Be)一书作者之一阿黛尔#12539;费伯(Adele Faber)称,大声描述一个问题能在不伤害任何人的情况下引起关注。例如:“我刚刚拖过厨房地板,现在又被踩得到处是泥。”Yelling becomes damaging when it is a personal attack, belittling or blaming a child with statements such as #39;Why can#39;t you ever remember?#39; or, #39;You always get this wrong!#39; Ms. Faber says.但费伯说,当你把吼叫作为人身攻击,用“你不能长点记性吗?”或者“你总是做错!”这种话来责备或挖苦孩子时,就会给孩子带来伤害。Many parents lose control because they take children#39;s misbehavior or rebellion personally, research shows: They feel attacked or think the child#39;s actions reflect poorly on them. Parents who see a child#39;s negative emotions as unexpected, overwhelming and upsetting tend to feel more threatened and frustrated with each new outburst, says a study published earlier this month in the Journal of Family Psychology. This pattern, called #39;emotional flooding,#39; triggers a downward spiral in the relationship, disrupting the parent#39;s problem-solving ability and fueling emotional reactions, such as yelling.许多父母情绪失控是因为他们对孩子的错误或叛逆行为太较真。研究显示,他们会感觉自己受到攻击,或者认为孩子的行为让他们颜面尽失。《家庭心理学期刊》(Journal of Family Psychology)早些时候刊登的一项研究称,认为孩子的负面情绪出人意料、让人无所适从和令人沮丧的父母,往往会在孩子每次出现新的情绪爆发时产生更强烈的受威胁和挫败感。这种模式被称为“情绪崩溃”,会导致亲子关系陷入下行螺旋,扰乱父母解决问题的能力并催生吼叫等情绪反应。Teens whose parents use #39;harsh verbal discipline#39; such as shouting or insults are more likely to have behavior problems and depression symptoms, says a recent study of 976 middle-class adolescents and their parents, published online last September and led by Ming-Te Wang, an assistant professor of psychology and education at the University of Pittsburgh.近期一项对976名中产阶层青少年和他们父母的调查显示,被父母用喊叫或辱骂等方式进行“严厉语言管教”的青少年更容易有行为问题和抑郁症状。该调查去年9月份刊登在网上,由匹兹堡大学(University of Pittsburgh)心理学和教育学助理教授王明德(音)领导。Another study suggests yelling at children may have consequences that go beyond those of spanking. Eight-year-olds whose parents disciplined them by yelling have less satisfying relationships with romantic partners and spouses at age 23, according to a 15-year study led by Stephanie Parade, an assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University. #39;Parents who yell may miss out on a chance to teach children to regulate their emotions,#39; she says.另一项研究暗示,对孩子吼叫带来的后果可能比打屁股更严重。布朗大学(Brown University) 精神病学和人类行为学助理教授斯蒂芬妮#12539;帕拉德(Stephanie Parade)领导的一项为期15年的研究显示,八岁时父母通过吼叫来管教的孩子到23岁时与恋爱伴侣和配偶之间的关系不太令人满意。她说:“大喊大叫的父母可能会错过教孩子如何管理情绪的机会。”Spanking also predicted less satisfying adult relationships, but the negative effects were offset when parents praised their children at other times. The negative effects of yelling weren#39;t erased by parental warmth, however. The negative problem-solving tactics that children learn when their parents yell may stick with them as adults, says the study, published in 2012 in Marriage amp; Family Review. Children also may expect others to treat them in a negative way, and unconsciously pick partners who fulfill that expectation.打屁股也与成年后伴侣关系不尽人意有关联,但父母在其他时候表扬孩子会消除打屁股带来的负面影响。然而,吼叫带来的负面影响不会因父母的关爱而消除。《婚姻和家庭》(Marriage amp; Family Review) 2012年刊登的这项研究称,孩子会在父母吼叫时学到负面的问题解决策略,成年后他们可能仍会坚持使用这些策略。这些孩子可能还会期望别人以负面方式对待他们,并且无意识地选择满足他们期望的伴侣。#39;Yelling is where 90% of us do the most damage,#39; says Julie Ann Barnhill, a speaker and author of #39;She#39;s Gonna Blow,#39; a book on parental anger that has sold 135,000 copies. Ms. Barnhill says she used to yell one to three times a week at her children when they were preschoolers. She got counseling, and learned to control her anger and discipline her kids in calmer, more positive ways, techniques she now teaches other parents in speeches and workshops.《她要发火了》(She#39;s Gonna Blow)一书作者、演说家朱莉#12539;安#12539;巴恩希尔(Julie Ann Barnhill)表示:“吼叫是90%的人犯的危害最大的错误。”《她要发火了》是一本有关父母愤怒情绪的书,销量高达135,000册。巴恩希尔说,孩子上学之前,她曾经一周对他们吼叫一到三次。后来她做了咨询,并学会控制自己的愤怒情绪,以更冷静、更积极的方式管教孩子。现在她通过演讲和工作室向其他父母教授这些技巧。Parents can learn to notice signs that a blowup is brewing and dial down their own tension. Warning signs can include: tightness in the throat or chest, shallow or rapid breathing, a clenching of the teeth or jaw, negative thoughts about oneself or feelings of being overwhelmed.父母可以学着去留意即将发火的信号并设法减轻自己的焦虑。预警信号包括:喉咙或胸口发紧,呼吸变得急促,咬紧牙关,对自己产生负面想法或感觉不堪重负。Deep breathing, envisioning a pleasant scene, counting to 10 or leaving the room can help. Ms. Barnhill advises practicing calming thoughts, such as #39;I#39;m having a miserable day, but getting angry will just make things worse.#39;深呼吸,想象愉快的场景,数到10或者离开房间都有所助益。巴恩希尔建议平复一下紊乱的思绪,比如对自己说:“我今天过得很悲催,但生气只能让情况更糟。”Build a margin of spare time into daily routines to allow time for minor mishaps, such as spilled milk or lost jackets, says Jill Savage, author of #39;No More Perfect Moms.#39; She adds, #39;If I have 20 minutes to clean up after dinner, I#39;m more likely to handle that spilled milk well.#39;《不再当完美妈妈》(No More Perfect Moms)一书作者吉尔#12539;萨维奇(Jill Savage)说,可在每日例行安排中留出一点富余时间处理小意外,比如孩子把牛奶弄 了或者上衣弄丢。她补充称:“如果饭后我有20分钟时间进行清理,我就更有可能把牛奶弄 的事处理好。”Learning to start sentences with #39;I#39; rather than #39;you#39; can help parents shift from an angry attack to a teaching moment, Ms. Faber says. #39;Say what you don#39;t like, then add what you would like or expect.#39;费伯说,学会将“我”而不是“你”作为句子的开头,能够帮助父母将怒气冲冲的攻击转变为对孩子的教育。她说:“说你不喜欢看到些什么,然后补充说你喜欢或者希望看到些什么。”Leigh Fransen felt like yelling when her daughters, 10-year-old Alona and 8-year-old Elisha, forgot to feed the family dog, Balto, on two evenings in the same week. #39;This is a really important responsibility, and they#39;re always asking me for more pets,#39; says Ms. Fransen, of Fort Mill, S.C. #39;I wanted to yell, #39;You#39;re not getting any dinner tonight, because you didn#39;t feed the dog, and you#39;re going to know how it feels#39;-which would lead to nothing but tears and misery, and probably to me backing down.#39;南卡罗来纳州米尔堡(Fort Mill)的利#12539;弗朗桑(Leigh Fransen)的女儿阿洛纳(Alona)和伊莱沙(Elisha)一个10岁,一个8岁。有一次,她俩一周有两个晚上忘记给家里的巴尔托(Balto)喂食,弗朗桑很想发脾气。弗朗桑说:“这是个非常重要的责任,她们总问我要更多的宠物。我想冲她们吼:‘你们没有喂,今天晚上不给你们吃饭了,这样你们才知道是什么感觉’──但这么做只会让她们掉眼泪,让她们感到痛苦,而我很可能会心软让步。”Instead, she started her response with #39;I,#39; saying, #39;I don#39;t like seeing the dog not fed. Look at him: He is miserable. I expect him to be fed before you eat your own dinner,#39; Ms. Fransen says. Alona and Elisha needed to be reminded of the deadline twice, but soon learned to remember on their own. Ms. Fransen praised them for taking responsibility and encouraged them to see that #39;Balto seems much happier now that he#39;s getting dinner on time.#39;于是她以“我”为开头来回应,她说:“我不喜欢看到没喂。看看他:他很可怜。我希望你们自己吃饭之前能把他喂饱。” 阿洛纳和伊莱沙后来还需要妈妈提醒两次才记得最后期限,但她们很快就能自己记得喂了。弗朗桑表扬她们能认真负责,并鼓励她们注意“巴尔托看起来开心多了,因为现在他能及时吃上饭了”。Many parents blow up because they have unrealistic expectations-such as assuming a two-year-old shouldn#39;t push parental limits, says Ms. Savage, chief executive of Hearts at Home, a Normal, Ill., nonprofit that runs conferences on parenting issues, including discipline. #39;We say to our children, #39;Act your age,#39; and in reality, they are,#39; she says. Not expecting children to be perfect, or nearly so, can calm parents#39; frustrations, Ms. Savage says. So can seeing a child#39;s failure as an opportunity for him to learn.Hearts at Home的首席执行长萨维奇说,许多父母发脾气是因为他们抱有不切实际的期望──比如认为两岁的孩子不应该违反父母的规定。她说:“我们对自己的孩子说:‘别像小孩那样。’但事实上他们就是小孩子。”萨维奇说,不要期望孩子十全十美或者接近完美,这样就能平复挫败感。所以我们可以把孩子的失败视为他学习的机会。Hearts at Home是伊利诺伊州诺默尔(Normal)一家就家庭教育问题(包括管教在内)组织会议的非营利组织。Parents can turn a meltdown into a teaching moment by involving kids in finding solutions, Ms. Faber says. She suggests waiting for a calm moment and stating the rule the child violated. Then give the child a choice about how to prevent the misbehavior from happening again. Inviting a child to suggest solutions teaches problem-solving skills.费伯说,父母可以和孩子一起寻找解决方案,把失败变为教育孩子的机会。她建议等到情绪平静的时候陈述孩子违反的规矩,然后让孩子去选择如何防止再次犯错。邀请孩子提出解决方案能够教会他们掌握解决问题的技能。Sara Weingot of Baltimore used the technique after her 6-year-old son misbehaved during an outing in her minivan, kicking and pushing two other kids#39; booster seats. She later told him she never wanted it to happen again, then listened sympathetically as he explained that he had been squeezed too tightly between two other kids#39; car seats.巴尔的(Baltimore)的萨拉#12539;魏因戈特(Sara Weingot)在她6岁的儿子犯错后就运用过这个技巧,当时她儿子在乘坐面包车出游时踢推其他两个孩子的儿童加高座椅。之后她对儿子说,她希望以后绝对不要再发生这种情况,然后她满怀同情地听儿子解释说他被其他两个孩子的汽车座椅挤得太紧。Ms. Weingot gave him a choice between staying home with a babysitter next time and finding another solution. He made a list from #39;get a better car#39; to taking turns with his siblings in more comfortable seats, an idea that worked, Ms. Weingot says.魏因戈特让他选择下次和保姆一起待在家里还是寻找另一种解决方案。魏因戈特说,他列出了一些方案,其中包括“买一辆更好的车”,还有和兄弟轮流坐更舒的座椅。后一种方案得到了采纳。Apologizing can help repair a relationship after an outburst, says Ms. Barnhill, the author. She took her daughter aside in her teens and apologized for an explosive incident a few years earlier. #39;I have this memory of being in your face and yelling at you. I am so sorry, sweet girl,#39; Ms. Barnhill says she told her.前文提到的作者巴恩希尔说,在发脾气之后道歉有助于修复亲子关系。巴恩希尔在女儿十几岁时曾把她拉到一边,为几年前一次发脾气而道歉。巴恩希尔说,当时她告诉女儿:“我记得自己对你发火,冲你大喊大叫。我很抱歉,亲爱的。”Her daughter Kristen Draughan, who is now 25, married and studying for a master#39;s degree in social work, says she doesn#39;t remember her mother yelling much when she was a child. But Ms. Draughan does recall that her mother#39;s remorse made her burst into tears. #39;It showed that she cared about my feelings,#39; she says.她女儿克丽丝藤#12539;德劳安(Kristen Draughan)现在25岁,已经结婚,在读社会工作专业硕士学位。她说她印象中小时候母亲不怎么冲她吼叫。但德劳安能够回想起她母亲的自责让她泪流满面。她说:“这说明她在乎我的感受。” /201402/276437

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a very awkward joke on Wednesday about her inability to turn down #39;charismatic, attractive#39; men。During an on-stage interview at the Economic Club of Chicago, Clinton revealed that she rejected President Barack Obama#39;s offer to join his cabinet twice before saying yes。Noting that she also refused former president Bill Clinton’s hand in marriage twice before she accepted his proposal, the presumed 2016 presidential candidate said: #39;I have a history with charismatic, attractive men. They just wear me out.#39;According to the Washington Post, Clinton confessed her weakness for handsome men while in conversation with venture capitalist J.B. Pritzker, who served as national co-chairman of Clinton#39;s 2008 presidential campaign。Clinton was Illinois on Wednesday to participate in the event and campaign for Illinois Gov. Pat Quinn。The former first lady reportedly made an appearance at a private fundraiser for Quinn at a law firm while she was in town. She also accompanied him to a campaign stop at DePaul University before speaking to the Economic Club。Quinn is seeking reelection this November and is in danger of losing to Republican challenger Bruce Rauner。Today Clinton is in Philadelphia where she is scheduled to headline a rally for Pennsylvania gubernatorial candidate Tom Wolf。Wolf is hoping to oust the state#39;s Republican governor, Tom Corbett, in next month#39;s statewide election。During her dialogue with Prtizker on Wednesday night in Chicago, Clinton shifted gears to federal politics and railed on Republicans for shutting the government down last fall. The move forced her then-boss, President Obama, to cancel a previously planned trip to the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in Bali, Indonesia, much to her chagrin。#39;I don#39;t care what party you are, Democrats never did that to George W. Bush despite our deep differences with President Bush on taxes, on Iraq, on so many other things, Clinton said, according to CNN。#39;We never did it,#39; the former New York Senator told the audience。Clinton went on to speculate whether members of Congress whom she believes are more interested in partisan politics than governing #39;really understand the world#39; and #39;understand what it means for the ed States to lead and to be perceived as a leader.#39;#39;Or do they just not care?#39; Clinton asked. #39;Do they just have a whole other agenda that enables them to say whatever they want to say and spout whatever rhetoric they want to spout?#39;The former Democratic lawmaker said members of Congress from both parties are guilty of putting politics before problem solving but placed more of the blame on politicians #39;on the other side of the aisle.#39;Clinton also said she finds it #39;deeply distressing#39; that the refusal to compromise is now worn by federal lawmakers as a badge of honor。#39;That is why it is imperative that you have people in business and other positions of responsibility basically say... ;Get out there and do your job. Stay off the talk shows. Get back to the Congress. Legislate and solve America#39;s problems,; #39; she asserted。据《每日邮报》网站10月9日报道,8日,美国前国务卿希拉里开了个不太合适的玩笑,称她难以拒绝“独具魅力的男士”。希拉里在芝加哥经济俱乐部活动的现场采访中透露,她在最终同意成为奥巴马内阁成员之前曾拒绝过两次。此外,她在答应美国前总统克林顿的求婚前也曾拒绝过两次。这位有可能参加2016年总统竞选的候选人说道,“我同有魅力的男士们交过手,他们让我筋疲力尽、难以招架。”据《华盛顿邮报》报道,希拉里在与风险资本家J.B。普里茨克(J.B. Pritzker)的交谈中坦承自己的弱点就是美男。J.B。普里茨克曾担任希拉里2008年总统竞选阵营的联合主席。8日,希拉里·克林顿在伊利诺斯州出席伊利诺斯州长昆恩的助选活动。据报道,希拉里出席了在一家律师事务所中为昆恩筹办的私人募捐见面会。她在出席经济俱乐部活动并讲话前,还陪同昆恩去了位于德保罗大学的活动点。昆恩正谋求于今年11月进行改选,但他有输给其竞争对手共和党人布鲁斯·劳耐尔的危险。9日,希拉里在费城停留,并有意助阵宾夕法尼亚州地方政府候选人汤姆·沃尔夫(Tom Wolf)的竞选集会。沃尔夫希望在11月的全州普选中击败共和党出身的州长汤姆·科波特(Tom Corbett)。8日晚间,希拉里在芝加哥与普里茨克的谈话间重点谈到联邦政治,她对去年秋天共和党人否决拨款提案致政府停摆很不满。那次事件迫使奥巴马总统取消了预定的参加在印度尼西亚巴厘岛召开的亚太经济合作组织峰会的行程。这也令希拉里相当懊恼。据美国有线电视新闻网(CNN)报道,希拉里表示,“我不管你是什么党派。尽管民主党在税收、伊拉克问题及其它事情上与布什总统存在重大分歧,但我们还从来没有那样为难过他。”希拉里还揣测那些她信任的国会议员是对党派政治更感兴趣,还是对真正做到“了解世界”以及“了解引领世界或被当做领导者对于美国的意义”更感兴趣。希拉里问道,“或者他们并不在意?或者他们有另外可以让他们畅所欲言的议程,这样就可以滔滔不绝地说任何他们想说的事情吗?”曾当选前民主党国会议员的希拉里表示,两党的国会议员在解决问题时都把政治因素摆在前面,而对另一方的政客们严加指责。希拉里还说她发现联邦国会议员现在总是拒绝妥协,并将其当做至高荣耀,这“让人相当郁闷”。她说,“这就是为什么在商界和担任其它职位的人们总会说,‘别管那么多,去做你该做的事吧。别参加谈话节目了,重回国会吧。去制定法律解决美国问题吧。’” /201410/334723

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